The Truth About Baby Sleep: Why Social Media Sets Unrealistic Expectations

If there’s one thing social media loves to do, it’s convince new parents that their baby should be sleeping through the night long before it’s developmentally typical. Post after post shows perfectly swaddled newborns snoozing for 10–12 hours, and it’s so easy to start wondering,

Why isn’t my baby doing that? What am I doing wrong?

But the truth—the real, honest truth—is that every baby is different, and sleep isn’t something you can force into a timeline.

My own mom loves to tell me that I slept through the night from day one. And while that sounds impressive on paper, it absolutely terrifies me as a mother. If my son had slept through the entire night his very first night earthside, I would have had a full-blown panic attack. That kind of silence from a newborn would have sent me into a tailspin of worry.

Week One Was Chaos (and That’s Okay)

During our first week home, sleep was something my husband and I absolutely did not have figured out.

We tried to “take turns,” but in reality we ended up sleeping maybe 20 minutes to an hour at a time. We were so concerned about every sound, every breath, every movement.

One of us would accidentally fall asleep holding him, the other would wake up in a panic, and then the cycle repeated. It was messy and exhausting and anxiety-filled—but completely normal for brand-new parents learning how to take care of a tiny human who relies on them for everything.

When My Husband Returned to Work

After that first week, my husband went back to work. With his alarm going off at 5:00 a.m., I decided it would be easiest for both of us if I did the night wakings. Breastfeeding was the fastest way to settle our son, and it allowed my husband to function during work hours. This system worked… until it didn’t.

Eventually, it became harder and harder for me to nap during the day. And balancing breastfeeding, pumping, and trying to fit in sleep felt nearly impossible. There were days I was running on fumes because every “break” I had was taken up by washing pump parts or preparing for the next feeding.

The Shifts That Didn’t Really Work

We tried doing shifts again—my husband taking the first stretch of the night—but the motherly instinct in me just never shut off. Even when I wasn’t technically “on duty,” I couldn’t rest. I felt like I needed to be right there, listening, watching, ready to step in the second he stirred. The internet made it seem like creating perfect sleep shifts was the only way to stay well-rested, but for us, forcing that system only created more stress and pressure. It added guilt instead of giving us relief.

What actually worked was something much simpler: me waking my husband when I truly needed the extra help. It wasn’t every night, and some weeks were harder than others, but it was a rhythm that fit our family instead of an online ideal. I’ll admit, I went through a period where I felt guilty for leaning on him more—especially knowing he had work the next morning. But he never made me feel that way. He stepped in without hesitation every time.

Even now, our very particular baby prefers me over Dad when it comes to sleep, so my husband supports us in every other way he can. Dishes, laundry, feeding the dogs, grocery runs—you name it, he has taken it on. He has become the glue that keeps our little household running, and I’m endlessly grateful for him.

The Co-Sleeping Phase

Then there was also a period where cosleeping was our only realistic option. But even that didn’t benefit either of us the way I hoped it would. My son is one of those babies who likes having space. He wants room to move around, flip over, stretch, roll—and I often ended up interfering without meaning to. Instead of restful sleep, it became disrupted sleep for both of us.

And during that phase, cluster feeding and growth spurts made it feel like sleep would never be normal again. They felt constant in the moment, stretching those nights into what felt like eternity—even though looking back, they really weren’t happening as often as it seemed at the time. But when you’re in the thick of it, it all blends together into one long season of unpredictable nights and endless feeding sessions

A Look at Sleep… Now

With all that being said, we have nights now where he sleeps almost 12 hours straight. Other nights, he wakes up wanting to get into our bed and snuggle close—just long enough to feel reassured—before rolling away again once he’s had enough touching.

Some nights he needs a bottle to settle back to sleep, even though technically he “shouldn’t” need one anymore. And you know what? I give it to him. I can tell when that’s what he needs.

Other nights, he surprises us and just wants a quick head rub, a whispered goodnight, and he’s out again.

We also went through a brutal phase of false start bedtimes that nearly drove me mad. I found myself getting frustrated with my husband—not because of anything he did wrong, but because the baby only wanted me, and I was trying to push bottles out of nighttime before he was ready all because the internet insisted it was time. That only made things harder.

Every Baby Is Different. Every Season Is Temporary.

What I’ve learned is simple:

Every day is different.

Every baby is different.

Their needs change fast—sometimes overnight.

Just when you think you’ve cracked the code and figured out a solid routine, something shifts. A new tooth. A growth spurt. A developmental leap. A random night of extra snuggles. A change in appetite.

Your “normal” can reset within a week—or honestly, within a day or even a few hours.

You’re Not Failing. You’re Parenting a Human Being.

So if social media has ever made you feel like your baby should be on a schedule, should be sleeping through the night, should be easier… take a breath.

Your baby isn’t a program that can be updated. They’re a little human, figuring out how to exist in a world that is brand new to them.

Some nights will be easy. Some nights will be hard. And all of them are normal.

If you’re showing up, responding to their needs, and loving them through it—you’re doing everything right.

With Love, Mommy & B 🩵